


A Good Man

by Darklaia112



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-24 10:21:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30070773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darklaia112/pseuds/Darklaia112
Summary: Since the events of Civil War, Steve and Bucky find themselves inexplicably drawn together. Bucky is confused by his feelings for Steve, but can't help the attraction he feels towards him. He also knows he can't risk hurting him. The Winter Soldier is still in his head. Bucky knows he's destined to spend his life alone, but Steve will fight for his friend, come hell or high water.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	1. Nightmares and Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: As an FYI for the timeline, this story takes place after the events of Civil War in an AU where Infinity War and Endgame never happened. For context, this story references Captain America: The Winter Soldier and Civil War a few times. Hope you enjoy the read!

Chapter 1: Nightmares and Confessions

Bucky awoke abruptly, sweat streaming down his face, his fingers fisting the sheets beneath him. His heart was pounding wildly in his chest, still reeling from the nightmare. He analyzed his surroundings, confirming he was in fact in his room at the Avenger's Tower in New York City.

His home. Not the warfront. Not Russia. He was back in the States in the city he had grown up in.

Once he had mostly calmed and his heart had stopped racing, he tried to remember what the dream was about, but it only came to him in brief flashes. A Hydra agent reading from the red book…the feeling of losing himself to the Winter Solider, the ruthless killing machine they had turned him into.

How many men and women had died by his hand? Dozens? Hundreds? It seemed the list was never ending.

Steve had told him it wasn't his fault, but what did he know? He was America's poster boy after all. He had no blood on his hands and he never would. Bucky scoffed.

The man had been born with an unflinching moral compass.

He supposed it was one of the things he had liked about Steve when he first met him.

They had known each other since they were four, met in grade school and were inseparable ever since. Like brothers. In the early years of their friendship, their relationship was mutually beneficial. Steve had helped Bucky in school and Bucky had helped Steve with bullies. The kid was always small, even at that age.

While Bucky had grown like a weed as a teen, Steve stayed small and skinny. Despite that, he had the most guts out of any of Bucky's friends; never knowing when to stand down, even when he was hopelessly outmatched.

Bucky had never forgotten the time Steve had asked some guy to stop harassing a waitress at a diner he was at. The man and his buddies had dragged Steve outside and beat the living crap out of him. It was Bucky who had found him. Bleeding and bruised, Bucky had carried him home. He had wanted to take Steve to the hospital, but the other man wouldn't allow it.

"Those doctors and nurses have worse to worry about than me."

"Steve, it's their job."

"I'll be alright."

Bucky had been furious.

"When're you gonna learn to keep your mouth shut, kid?"

"Who're you calling kid? You're only a month older than me, Barnes."

"I'm not joking Steve. Someday you're really gonna get it good."

"They shouldn't have talked to her like that," He grumbled. Bucky shook his head, his exasperation waning when he saw the blood drip from Steve's bloodied nose onto his pants. Bucky picked up a dish towel and wiped the blood away from his face, but more soon replaced it. He sighed and pressed the towel to Steve's nose.

"Hold it there," He instructed. Steve did as told for once. Bucky watched him for a moment, debating his options.

"Well if you insist on brawling, the least I can do is teach you how to throw a punch."

And he had. A lot of good it did him. Steve still lost every fight, but he never gave up.

Bucky sat up, his bed sheet pooling at his waist. He pushed his long hair out of his eyes and glanced at the clock. The light blinked 4:14 am.

He sighed. There was no use trying to sleep after the dream and to be honest, he wasn't sure he wanted to. He would most likely just slip into another nightmare. The man stood, pulling a pair of sweatpants out of the dresser and tugging them on over his boxer briefs.

His hand that was flesh was still clammy. He headed towards the kitchen in the hopes that some tea would help calm his nerves. Bucky was still bare chested but knew he wouldn't run into any of his other "teammates" at this late hour.

Steve insisted none of the other Avengers held any latent resentment against him after their big blowout in Europe, but Bucky didn't buy that for a minute. Especially when it came to Stark.

Steve had said that Tony had eventually come to terms with the fact that Bucky wasn't Bucky when he committed the atrocities he had as the Winter Soldier, but how could he forgive him? Bucky hadn't even forgiven himself.

He didn't relish the idea of living on Stark's property, but what other options did he have? It wasn't like he had any money of his own and he was trying to work on the inclinations that would have him acquire the money by more unsavory means.

It wasn't like he was the only Enhanced mooching off Stark's wealth. Maximoff, Vision, Widow, not to mention Steve. Even Wilson had moved in recently.

Sam. Bucky reminded himself. The man had risked his life for Bucky in Europe in more ways than one. He owed him a lot.

While Barton, Rhodes, and Banner didn't live in Stark Tower they were around often enough.

Bucky was so wrapped in his own thoughts he almost collided with another figure as he rounded into the kitchen from the hall.

"Whoa." Bucky knew that voice anywhere.

"Steve." Bucky hesitated. "I didn't think anyone would be up."

"Neither did I. You damn near scared the hell out of me. What're you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep. I was just gonna make some tea before heading back to my room," Bucky lied. Steve observed him, his eyes sweeping over Bucky's face and his skin which still held a light sheen of sweat.

He reached out to run his thumb over one of the dark circles under Bucky's eyes.

"You have another nightmare Buck?" Bucky cleared his throat, stepping out of reach.

"No, just couldn't sleep."

"You can't lie to me Bucky. I've known you since we were four." Bucky shook his head, biting back a retort. Instead he swept past Steve into the kitchen. He plucked the kettle off the stove and filled it in the sink. He felt Steve follow him inside, but didn't react as he turned the stove on and placed the kettle on top.

"I have them too you know," Steve said, taking a seat at one of the stools at the island. Bucky quirked an eyebrow. What would cause Captain America to have nightmares?

"They're of the war mostly," Steve continued. "Feeling like I'm running out of time, that I'm on Hydra's jet headed towards the ice." He shook his head and looked down at the counter. "Like I'm still frozen inside and I'm screaming, but no one can hear me." Bucky stared at his friend. Steve had never shared this before.

"You never told me that." Steve shrugged.

"I didn't want to burden you." Bucky pondered this. He had felt similarly about sharing about his past. Was it finally time to open up? He studied Steve. His friend was inclined forward on his elbows, watching Bucky with those bright blue eyes.

Bucky couldn't imagine anyone else he would want to talk about the past more with. Or who would understand better.

"What was it this time?" Steve queried. Still, Bucky hesitated. "Come on Buck, it's me."

Bucky looked up to Steve's earnest face and knew immediately the man wouldn't judge him.

"I dreamt…Hydra was putting me under again. I saw the red book and I heard the words." He shuddered just thinking about it. "I was losing myself again."

"You've been deprogrammed," Steve reminded him. "Shuri said she got the last of it out of you. Even if someone said those words to you now…they're just words. You're your own person again." Bucky gripped the island edge tightly. His mechanical arm whirred and the metal crunched under its weight, leaving an indentation of his hand in its wake.

"That doesn't erase the things I've done Steve."

"That wasn't you." Bucky shook his head.

"It was my hands, my body that did it."

"You weren't yourself. Hydra was manipulating you. You were brainwashed, Buck." Bucky sighed and shook his head, refusing to meet Steve's gaze.

"I should've been stronger. Should've fought more." Steve was standing now and he towered over Bucky. He placed his hand on Bucky's neck, directing his head so he was staring up at Steve. "I could've fought more. I stopped trying," Bucky admitted. Steve didn't speak.

Bucky looked down at the floor. He had never shared this with anyone but the weight of carrying it all these years by himself was crushing him. And there was no one he trusted more than Steve.

"When Hydra first brought me in, I was half dead. I had lost my arm in the fall and had lost a lot of blood." Steve's grip on Bucky's shoulder tightened. Bucky knew Steve still felt guilt about Bucky falling to his "death" off the train in 1944. "They fed me, warmed me up, got me healthy again. Once I had mostly recovered, they started the transformation. They tried removing my memories, but I held onto them. I didn't want to forget. Eventually though, some things faded away. Hell, I can barely remember my parents' faces anymore. Even the Commandos are blurry…But there was one thing that kept me going." He looked up into his friend's eyes. "You." Steve's face transitioned from concerned to shocked.

"The memories of our friendship. Growing up together and you saving me in Germany. What we had gone through in the war. I refused to give up. I kept thinking Steve will come for me. He'll save me." Steve's grip on Bucky's neck tightened. It was almost painful at this point, but Bucky didn't push him away. "Then, after your jet had gone missing when you went after Red Skull, they brought in the newspaper to prove to me you were gone. I thought you were dead…It hurt so much. There was no hope and what would I have to live for even if I was saved? I just wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to forget you." His last words came out as a whisper. Bucky didn't know when the tears started, but now they were streaming down his cheeks. How long had he been holding this in?

"So I gave in. And they were able to wipe my memories and replace them with hate and the Hydra agenda. So yes, it is my fault Steve."

"Bucky," Steve managed. His voice was strained too. "It's my fault. I should have looked for you after the train…I thought you were dead." Bucky looked up at his friend and was surprised to see tears in Steve's eyes as well. "I thought I lost you, so I threw myself into the search for Red Skull. I wanted to kill him for what happened to you. Wanted to see the life leave his eyes." Steve wiped at Bucky's tears with his thumbs. "I didn't care if I lived or died. All that mattered was avenging your death."

Without warning, Steve pulled Bucky into his arms, holding him to his body tightly. Bucky let himself be held, pressing his face into Steve's chest. He listened to the taller man's heart beat steadily. It was a rare moment of vulnerability between the two men. Bucky was rarely emotional, let alone teary. Maybe the lack of sleep was starting to affect him. Maybe he had held it all in too long. The pair remained in their embrace until kettle started to whistle.

Steve relinquished Bucky so he could turn the stove off and pour hot water into two mugs.

"I didn't think you cared," Steve admitted, taking the mug Bucky handed him.

"What?"

"About me. I mean, I guess I knew you did a little since you let me follow you around all those years in Brooklyn. I thought I was just some annoying kid."

"Steve," Bucky started. "How can you say that? After everything we went through together?"

"I didn't always feel that way. I guess it was because you didn't seem to care that I wanted to follow you to the war front. You knew how bad I wanted to serve, but I kept being rejected-"

"I didn't want you to die," Bucky interrupted. "It wasn't that I didn't care. I was gonna miss you like hell, but you were so small Steve. You didn't stand a chance on the warfront." Bucky smirked suddenly. "You didn't stay small for long, though. I swear I thought I was losing my mind when you rescued me in Austria." Steve cracked a smile.

Bucky had always had feelings for Steve, but after the serum it felt like his attraction had been dialed to ten. Suddenly Bucky was the one being saved by Steve, not the other way around. His feelings had confused and terrified him of course, it being the forties and all. Now there was one thing he didn't miss about his time.

"I remembered you, you know." Bucky continued. He glanced at Steve who was still watching him. "In D.C, after I saw you in the street. I couldn't remember exactly who you were but I remembered your face…Hydra wiped me good after that." Bucky remembered the pain like it was yesterday. Like white hot electricity running through his brain…

"Rumlow told me," Steve admitted. "I can't imagine what you went through. I'm so sorry"

"Don't feel too bad. I tried to kill you after." Bucky deflected. "…And you still tried to save me when the ship was falling from the sky and I was trapped under that beam. After everything I did." Steve's selflessness was not lost on him. It was something Bucky was grateful for but knew he didn't deserve.

"I knew there was a part of you that was still the person I remembered…And then you tried to kill me again." Steve smiled crookedly.

"You were my mission. I'd never failed them before."

"But then you pulled me from the river," Steve reminded him. Bucky nodded. "I would have drowned."

"I don't know why I did it," Bucky admitted. "All I knew is when you were falling it felt like I was falling too." They sat in silence for a few moments. After a beat, Steve reached out and placed a hand on his arm. It was warm from the tea.

"Thanks for finally opening up and telling me what's been going through your head. I don't want you to ever feel alone, Buck. I'm with you to the end of the line, remember?" Bucky nodded, though it was for show. If only he knew how I really felt about him, he would take back those words.

"I don't know about you, but there's no way I'm falling back asleep tonight. What's say you and I do a couple laps? Clear our head." Bucky stared at him, stony faced. It was 4:30 am and the man wanted to work out. Maybe he wasn't human after all.

"I'm not much of a runner." This time it was Steve's turn to smirk.

"I meant the pool."

"This place has a pool too?" Bucky shook his head. "What doesn't Stark have?"


	2. The Winter Soldier

The Winter Soldier

Steve clapped Bucky on the shoulder. "Come on."

Bucky followed him out of the kitchen and down the hall towards the elevators. As the lift descended, Steve's eyes drifted towards his friend.

He still couldn't believe he had Bucky back after all these years. After the war, after thinking he was dead, after years of Bucky trying to kill him…His best friend was finally back.

Well, mostly. Steve knew Bucky still experienced tremendous guilt for the things Hydra had forced him to do when he was under their control, but he had no idea how bad it was until tonight.

Thankfully Bucky didn't have to worry about ever being a tool of Hydra's or anyone else's ever again. Steve would kill the next person who tried. He also knew his friend still worried he wasn't mentally stable, that Hydra was still hiding somewhere hiding at the back of his mind.

After months in Wakanda undergoing extensive study and treatment, Shuri had declared Bucky "deprogrammed". Even so, the man still experienced vivid nightmares and crushing guilt. Things Steve dearly wished he could erase from his friend's mind.

When the elevator came to a halt, the men stepped out. Steve led Bucky down the hall and through a pair of metal doors.

Bucky whistled.

"Man, you weren't kidding."

Naturally the pool was Olympic sized, with divided lanes perfect for laps.

"Come on, there are trunks in the locker room." Bucky followed him to the locker room where Steve showed him where the spare trunks were before grabbing himself a pair. The two changed silently, Steve choosing a deep red pair and Bucky a plain black set.

Steve prudently kept his eyes to himself despite his acute awareness that his friend was naked beside him. Once they were clothed, the men made their way back out to the pool. Steve dipped his foot in the cool water and winced. While the pool had the capability of being heated, he had no idea how to turn it on.

Bucky had no such qualms and dove straight in, completely soaking Steve as he did. It was only after his friend was completely submerged that Steve remembered Bucky's metal arm. Steve was about to dive in after him, prepared to find the man dragged to the bottom of the pool from the weight of the metal when Bucky surfaced effortlessly, smoothing back his long, dark hair.

Another wonder of Vibranium. Shuri had replaced Bucky's arm after it was destroyed during the fight with Tony in Siberia.

"What're you waiting for Rogers?" The other soldier taunted. "A little cold water too much for you?" Steve smirked and dove in after him. The cold water jolted him, washing away any lingering tiredness. He pushed his hair back as he surfaced.

"Race you to the other end?" Bucky asked. The assassin didn't wait for a reply before splashing his friend in the face and taking off in the other direction of the pool.

The pair swam a few laps, letting the time pass at its own pace. Steve liked the simplicity and routine of doing laps. And like he told Bucky, it was a great way to clear his head. The cool water streamed over his skin as he cut through with long strokes of his arms. He felt the tension leave his muscles, left in his wake as he propelled forward with his strong legs.

After almost an hour the men's paces slowed and they decided to rest. Bucky rested his head back against the edge of the pool, his arms propped up on either side of the lip, keeping him afloat. Steve was next to him, distinctly aware of their proximity as he also rested his arms on the lip, but facing the exterior of the pool. Bucky's eyes were closed. Steve watched as the water dripped from his friend's long, dark hair onto his skin and the way the waves lapped against his well-defined chest. He swallowed.

"You remember that time we went to Coney Island?" Bucky said suddenly, breaking Steve out of his trance. Bucky turned his head towards him and opened his eyes.

"Back when it was still sanitary to swim there? Yeah."

They had taken a Saturday off to go to the beach and do the boardwalk. The pair had swam at the beach, played carnival games, riden the Cyclone and gorged themselves on hot dogs. Steve had thrown up after all the food and rides and Bucky had thought it was the funniest thing in the world. Despite the vomit, it was one of Steve's favorite memories from before the war.

"You lost our train money trying to win a stuffed animal for some redhead," Steve recalled. Bucky nodded, smirking. Steve remembered feeling jealous at the time watching Bucky try so hard to get some cheap bear for what Steve considered a cheap girl.

Steve had always admired Bucky but starting developing feelings for him when they were 14. Bucky had always stuck up for him, always included him when his other friends hadn't invited Steve out. In addition, he was kind and charming and of course damn good looking with confidence to boot. Steve had always envied that about him. Girls loved him and boys wanted to be him. Steve would have settled for just having him.

Of course he never entertained the idea they could actually be together. It wasn't like Bucky was gay and even if he had been why would he want scrawny, awkward Steve?

Even after Steve had been given the serum, he knew it could never happen. It was the forties after all; homosexuality was illegal, not to mention taboo and highly looked down upon. Regardless, Steve had cherished the time they spent together during the war with the rest of the Commandos on missions to destroy Hydra bases. Even if he could never truly be with Bucky, at least Steve was close to him.

"Yeah we had to hitch it home in the back of some truck," Bucky remarked, bringing Steve back to the present. Steve remembered. Feeling sick and miserable he had fallen asleep on Bucky's shoulder on the ride home.

"Cap," The sound of a new voice made the pair look up. Natasha was standing at the edge of the pool, watching them. "Can I have a word with you?" Steve nodded, switching into leader mode immediately.

"You don't mind, do you?" He questioned, turning to Bucky.

"Nah, I was starting to prune anyway. Do your thing 'Cap'." Bucky smirked. Steve flushed. He knew he was teasing, but hearing Bucky call him that sent a wave of arousal straight to his groin. Thankfully he was still in the cool water, so it didn't do too much for him. Steve lifted himself out of the pool and padded over to where Natasha stood with a towel in hand.

"What's up?" He questioned, taking it from her and drying his hair.

"Stopped by SHIELD's new headquarters yesterday to oversee their reopening." She showed him pictures on a tablet. He flicked through them.

"Was Fury there?" He questioned.

"He's in the D.C. office this week, but he'll be around next week," She replied. "He wants to make sure you're still on board with SHIELD's return."

"I'm all for it as long as it stays Hydra free this time around," He answered. She nodded.

"Agreed. The background tests will be even most extensive this time around, not to mention the psychological testing." Steve nodded approvingly as he looked through the photos. "I saw Sharon while I was there," Natasha added with a smirk. "She asked about you, you know."

"Did she?" Steve asked, not particularly listening. Bucky was getting out of the pool now. Water dripped from his hair down his muscled back in rivulets before disappearing beneath his trunks which clung tightly to his ass. That familiar rush of warmth crept downwards again.

"…You're gonna burn a hole in his back the way you're staring," Natasha quipped. Steve turned a deep shade of red, turning away from his friend abruptly. Her face turned more serious. "Does he know how you feel?"

"Shh!" Steve hushed her, throwing a look over his shoulder at his friend who was now toweling off.

"He can't hear us," She said easily. "Seriously, why don't you make a move?"

"Bucky's not gay Nat," Steve said quietly, disappointment apparent in his voice despite the fact that he knew this already.

"And you know because you've asked him this?"

"I know because I know," He snapped. Nat raised her eyebrow at him. "I'm sorry," He apologized after a beat. "I've known Bucky my whole life and that's not him." Natasha shook her head.

"Boys," She muttered under her breath. "How can you be sure if you've never told him how you feel?"

"You don't get it, Nat. We grew up in a different time. Being gay was a sin, hell it was illegal."

"Lucky for you, you both now live in 2021." Steve sighed.

"Doesn't change that fact that he's not into men."

"Presumably." Steve shot her a look. She held up her hands in mock surrender. "Okay. Okay. I'll leave it be."

"Thank you."

"We're training today in the gym at 0800. Let Barnes know?" Steve nodded.

"Thanks Cap." He watched her stride away before turning back to his friend. A sense of longing pooled in his stomach.

There's no way. Don't get your hopes up Steve.

XXX

An hour later Steve found himself standing with Sam as they watched Wanda destroy arrows midair with her power. Clint was launching them in different directions in rapid succession, testing her telekinesis's agility and speed.

Vision and Bucky were getting a lesson from Natasha across the gym on knife throwing. Both men had picked up the skill fairly quickly. Vison's aim was impeccable; his dummy had one large hole in the center of its chest from the android hitting the exact same spot every single throw. Bucky's aim was more dispersed, but no less deadly. His dummy's face, chest and neck were equally ruined. Steve was enjoying watching the man try out different stances. Bucky had tried head on, sideways and there had even been a particularly impressive shot as Bucky flipped forward in midair.

"I need a break," Wanda declared, falling to her knees dramatically. "Someone else take on the Hawk."

"That's Hawkeye," Clint corrected. Steve looked to Sam expectantly.

"Fine," Sam grumbled, picking his jet pack off the floor and slinging it on. "You're pulling the arrows out of my ass, though." His metallic wings spread and lifted him into the air.

Clint resumed firing arrows which Sam proceed to dive after and chase with Redwing.

"Wanda," Natasha called, coming over with Vision and Bucky in tow.

"I'm taking a break," She answered, watching the redhead warily.

"You need to work on your endurance," Natasha replied, ignoring her words. "When you're out on the battlefield, you're not going to have time to take a break. You and Vision, other side of the gym. Now." The Avengers occasionally trained against one another to improve their fight skills and ability to think on their feet. Wanda groaned and looked to Steve, but he offered her no solace.

She sighed and used her power to get to her feet.

"Take it easy on me, Vis," She begged. Vision smiled at her before drifting across the room to follow her and Widow.

"Guess it's just you and me pal," Steve said turning to Buck. "Wanna spar for a bit?"

Bucky nodded distractedly, watching Falcon dive after arrows in the air with a far away look on his face. One arrow combusted after Sam caught it, causing the winged Avenger to shout and drop it.

"You okay pal?" Steve questioned, putting his hand on Bucky's shoulder. The man nodded, turning away and heading towards the other end of the training facility with Steve so they could have some privacy.

Both men ignored the protective hand wraps and boxing gloves that lay outside the mat of the sparring area. Those were there for men without metal arms and who needed parachutes when jumping out of a moving plane. As they were already dressed in their training clothes, the two faced off in the center of the mat, taking their stances.

"How many rounds?"

Bucky shrugged indifferently. Steve lowered his fists and focused on his friend.

"You sure you're okay Buck?"

"I said I'm fine," Bucky snapped. "Let's do this." He lunged at Steve, then went for a roundhouse kick. Steve dodged, rolling away and then back a few steps. Bucky followed with a series of punches which Steve blocked. He retaliated with a right hook which Bucky blocked with his Vibranium arm. He aimed a kick at Steve's head. Steve jerked back. Bucky took the opportunity to sweep his leg under both of Steve's, knocking him on his back.

Steve cursed and rolled out of the way just as Bucky aimed a punch at the spot where his head was moments before. His metal arm hit the pad with so much force the mat punctured and little bits of the stuffing floated into the air.

Steve jumped to his feet and Bucky wasted no time before attacking, surging forward and aiming a kick at Steve's torso which he blocked his with knee. The force of the kick sent him back a few feet.

"Easy Buck," Steve commented. When Bucky approached, Steve sent a few pulled blows his way which Bucky easily slipped and dodged. He began matching him blow for blow, except Bucky wasn't pulling his punches. He was throwing them with all his strength. Steve was having trouble keeping up as Bucky kept changing his strategy. A left hook, a knee to the groin, an uppercut punch, a stomp kick, a punch to the gut. It felt like some demented version of Twister. One that if you lost you got nailed in the face with a metal arm.

A punch caught Steve in the jaw, once again sending him reeling. "I said EASY Buck!" Bucky didn't respond, but continued throwing blow after blow, never hesitating and not easing up in the slightest.

Steve glanced at Bucky's eyes as he did his best to block the onslaught. They had darkened significantly and the far away look had returned. Steve knew that look. He wasn't sparring with Bucky anymore. He was fighting the Winter Soldier.

Somehow the fighting had brought him back to the battlefield, to the years he had worked as Hydra's ruthless assassin.

Steve knew he had to get a handle on the situation quickly before Bucky reverted further from himself. He angled around his friend quickly after dodging a particularly nasty punch and locked his arms around Bucky's, pinning them to his friend's chest. "Buck, it's okay. You can stop now. STOP."

Bucky snapped his head back. It collided with Steve's nose which erupted in pain. Hot, wet blood poured out, coating his shirt. Steve released Bucky and stumbled back. Bucky rounded on him, a wild look on his face. He was a blur. A sweep of the leg, a jab cross elbow combo, a flip kick… Steve could hardly keep up.

The other Avengers had stopped training and come over to watch the fight. They wanted desperately to intervene, but the men were moving too quickly. Not to mention they didn't want to risk seriously injuring either one of them.

Steve's eyes flashed over to Clint who was holding his bow at his side, an arrow nocked and ready. He needed to do something before Clint let one lose on Bucky. Steve sent a well aimed kick at his friend's chest. It sent the dark haired man back a few steps. Steve's eyes shifted over to Natasha who was watching the fight unfold with the rest.

A memory flickered in his mind. When Clint had been brainwashed by Loki, how had she said she had brought him back?

Cognitive Recalibration. She hit him really hard in the head.

The only issue was that Bucky was moving so quickly now, how would Steve be able to land such a blow when he was barely keeping up as it is?

Quickly formulating a plan, Steve slipped to the side when Bucky made to grab at his throat, missing his metallic fingers by inches. He flipped Bucky over his back which bought him a few precious seconds. Steve sprinted towards the edge of the mat, Bucky close on his heels.

When Steve reached the edge, he darted to the side. Bucky skidded on the mat, but couldn't stop his forward momentum. Steve grabbed the back of his friend's head and slammed it forward against one of the many bars of an adjacent chest press machine.

The thud echoed loudly through the facility. Bucky crumpled to the floor.

Shit.

"Bucky." He kneeled beside his best friend, flipping him over onto his back and taking him in his arms. "Buck?" The man's eyes were closed in pain. Already a huge welt was forming on Bucky's forehead. The rest of the team ran over.

"Doctor," Steve instructed Vision. Vision nodded and floated off quickly, presumably to find help.

"Steve," Bucky managed.

"Yeah buddy, I'm here," Steve answered, sweeping the man's hair back from his face.

"Is he alright now?" Wanda asked.

"I think so. Can you bring me some ice Wanda?"

"I don't think you should be left alone with him," She said, still watching Bucky cautiously.

"We'll be here," Natasha responded, referring to her and Clint.

"Some aspirin would be good too. He's gonna have a hell of a headache," Clint responded.

Falcon turned to Wanda. "I'll go with you."

"Did I do a bad thing?" Bucky asked, his eyes fluttering open. They searched the air aimlessly. Steve didn't know how to answer.

"It's okay. You're alright now," He said instead. "I've got you." Bucky's eyes flicked towards Steve's face.

"Your nose." He reached up and wiped away a smear of blood from his friend's lip. "Shit, did I do that Stevie?"

"Stevie?" Steve had to laugh. "Yeah, but I'm alright buddy."

"I'm sorry," Bucky apologized, his face strained with emotion. "Damnit. I knew it wasn't all gone. He's still there at the back of my head. I can feel him." Steve was starting to worry. Bucky must've really hit his head hard. He?

"Who're you talking about Buck?"

"The Winter Solider." Bucky shook his head. "I'm never going to be free of him."

"It's not your fault." It was all Steve could think to say as he held his friend tightly. Tears welled in Bucky's eyes as frustration and anger overwhelmed him. He blinked them away in humiliation.

Bucky didn't deserve this. He was the best guy Steve knew, in the forties and in the present. Even after all Hydra had done to him, he was still a good person. Steve absolutely loathed seeing the man in pain. He had to find a way to help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi guys, I hope you're enjoying the first few chapters of A Good Man. I've really been enjoying writing this story. Stucky is my absolute favorite OTP so if you guys have any recs for other Stucky fanfiction on FanFiction Net, A03 or any other platform, please drop a review or send me a DM! Also if you're enjoying the story so far, please consider leaving a review/comment. It inspires me to keep working on the story knowing there are people reading and enjoying my work. Also open to constructive criticism. :) Thanks for reading!
> 
> P.S. Did any of you guys watch the first episode of Falcon and the Winter Soldier yet? I stayed up until midnight last night to watch it and then realized it wouldn't be on Disney Plus until 3am EST (I live on the East Coast of the U.S.) I did watch it this morning though and I can't wait until the next episode!!


	3. His Best Friend

Chapter 3: His Best Friend

"Bruised ribs, a broken nose, a black eye, sprained wrist...Not to mention countless bumps and bruises between the pair of you," The doctor clucked disapprovingly.

"It was an accident," Steve said quickly. He was holding an ice pack to his nose, but he glanced at his friend who sat beside him with his head in his hands.

"You're lucky you don't have a concussion," Dr. Singh continued, speaking to Bucky directly. Steve took a sigh of relief. He was worried he had hit Bucky too hard and done permanent damage. The sound of Bucky's skull cracking against the metal bar was still echoing in Steve's ears.

"So he's gonna be okay?" Steve prodded.

"Well he'll have one nasty bump, but it should heal in a few days. No training for a week though," She continued, turning to Steve as well. "Both of you. Your bodies need time to heal."

"Okay. We'll take it easy." Bucky still hadn't said anything.

"You'll need a cast for that nose, Mr. Rogers."

"No need," Steve said, pulling back the towel so she could see his nose which had already started to heal. "Perks of super soldier serum," He informed her. He grinned at Bucky, but the man's face was still hidden.

"Can you give us a minute?" Steve asked, turning to the doctor. She glanced between the pair of them before nodding and leaving the room.

"Buck?" He asked tentatively. "You alright?"

"I hurt you." Bucky managed. "I could've killed you."

"Don't be dramatic. So things got a little out of hand-"

"A little? Look at your nose Steve."

"Bucky," Steve interrupted. "I'm fine. It's not the first time someone broke my nose and it probably won't be the last."

"Yeah but it wasn't some degenerate or criminal this time. It was me." Bucky buried his face again. "Who am I kidding? I am a criminal."

"Don't say that!" Steve had gotten to his feet and was standing in front of Bucky, staring at him with a fire blazing in his eyes. "You're my best friend." Bucky looked up at him before finally smiling and shaking his friend.

"You got lousy taste in friends Kid." Steve smiled back and playfully punched the dark-haired man's shoulder.

"What'd I tell you about calling me kid?"

"Habit's hard to shake." Steve's hand drifted from Bucky's shoulder to his neck and then up to his jaw. He held it softly.

"You feel okay now Buck?"

"I have a hell of a headache," Bucky responded honestly. He glanced at Steve's hand and then back up at his face.

"That's not what I mean. Do you feel like yourself?" Steve stroked his friend's jaw with his thumb. Bucky swallowed.

"Yeah, I do," He rasped.

"Good." Steve's hand drifted again, this time to Bucky's lip which had been split in the fight. Bucky winced when he touched it.

"Sorry," Steve whispered. "Does it hurt?"

"I've had worse." The men stared at one another for a moment, neither saying a word until the sound of voices in the hall broke their trance. Steve dropped his hand.

The door burst open and the rest of the team filtered inside the room.

"You feel okay now, comrade?" Sam asked. He laughed, unable to remain serious for two seconds while his joke landed. Natasha shook her head.

"Sorry. I told him not to say that."

Bucky cracked a smile.

"Better than you, birdbrain."

"Who're you calling birdbrain?" Steve smiled as he watched the exchange. The rest of the group laughed at Falcon's expense. Clint clapped Bucky on the shoulder good naturedly.

Steve was glad the team was able to let what happened go so easily. It was important Bucky became friends with them too if he was going to continue calling Avenger's Tower his home. And it was important to Steve the man felt this was his home. He had already lost his friend too many times to count. He wouldn't let it happen again.

XXX

Steve rolled over in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He glanced at the clock. It was nearing midnight in New York and he wasn't tired in the least. He had been tossing and turning for the better part of an hour and still sleep eluded him.

He thought back to the events of that afternoon and his nose throbbed in response. He rubbed it tenderly. It was almost completely healed, but still sore.

His thoughts shifted to his friend who was sleeping a couple rooms down. Who was he kidding? He knew Bucky wasn't sleeping. The man hardly ever slept and Steve was certain he was still guilt ridden after that afternoon.

Steve sighed and kicked off the blankets, rising and donning a sweatshirt over his tank top and sweats. He would just take a walk over and see if Bucky was up. If so maybe they could watch a movie until they felt sleepy. If the man was asleep, Steve would return to his room. He knew he was looking for an excuse to spend time with the man, but they had lost so much of it over the years. Steve merely wanted to make up for the time they lost.

His feet started in the direction of Bucky's room. He wondered what kind of movies Bucky liked in the modern era. When they were teens the man had favored action, however at this stage in their life Steve felt they had probably seen enough action to last them three lifetimes over.

When he reached Bucky's bedroom door he paused, listening to see if he could hear the deep breathing sounds that would indicate his friend was actually sleeping. Steve focused intently. As a result of the serum that gave him his abilities, his hearing was advanced as well but he was no Peter Parker.

What he heard made him pause. Heavy breathing met his ears, followed by a low groan. Steve pressed his ear to the door, listening more closely. He heard another moan, followed by the sound of sheets rustling and the bed creaking. Steve jerked his head back. Was Bucky doing what Steve thought he was? Steve's face and neck turned bright red. He definitely didn't have a girl in there. The only women who lived in the tower were Natasha and Wanda and Steve knew Natasha was involved with Bruce and Wanda was too young for Bucky.

Actually, Wanda was 22 now so Steve supposed she wasn't that young. Still, Steve didn't think she was Bucky's type. He supposed Bucky could've snuck a girl inside the tower…Jealousy swirled in Steve's gut at the thought. As he thought this over, another sound emitted from the room.

There was another moan, followed by one word. "Steve." If possible, Steve turned even redder.

Was Bucky…fantasizing about him as he jerked off? A shot of satisfaction stole through Steve at the thought but it vanished at the man's next words.

"No…No!" Steve heard Bucky thrash on the bed. "Don't!" Bucky wasn't fantasizing about Steve and he wasn't dreaming about him either. He was having a nightmare.

Steve didn't hesitate barging into the room.

Bucky was splayed on the bed, fisting the sheets. His veins bulged from his neck and arm as he extended off the bed before collapsing back onto the mattress.

"Stop…Please." Steve approached cautiously. The last thing they needed was a repeat of that afternoon, but he couldn't leave his friend when he knew he was in pain.

"Bucky," Steve called softly.

Bucky didn't react. His metal arm reached out blindly, gripping the sheets tightly and pulling them from the mattress. "Please don't make me," He pleaded. The desperation in his friend's voice broke Steve's heart.

"Buck," Steve called again, a little louder this time. "It's me, Steve."

Bucky's face contorted. "Steve," He whispered. Steve was at his side in an instant. Bucky's eyes were still shut tight, his face still pained. "No…You can't make me hurt him. I won't do it!" He cried.

"Bucky!" Bucky's hands moved like lightning, grabbing tightly onto his own hair and pulling. Pulling. Pulling too hard.

Steve grabbed the man's hands as they continued to wrench downward. He fought Bucky's strength as best he could, but he was no match for the other man's metal arm. "Bucky, wake up! Please!"

Bucky's eyes burst open, searching frantically before finally settling on Steve.

"Steve," He said, his heart still pounding furiously in his chest. His face was covered in sweat and his blue eyes were wide.

"It's me buddy," Steve said, his grip on Bucky's hands slackening.

"Are you okay? I didn't hurt you again did I?"

"No, Buck. That was only in your dream. At least, that's what it sounded like…" Bucky's face was ashen as he remembered.

"It was Zemo," He started. "He was reading from the red book. He wanted me to hurt you. I wouldn't. I refused. They were torturing me." Steve slumped beside Bucky's head. His hand moved from Bucky's hand to the side of his face.

"It was just a dream Buck." Steve stroked his face soothingly. "You didn't hurt me." Bucky watched him, his blue eyes impossibly wide. After a moment, they narrowed.

"Why did you grab me? I could've hurt you again," He snapped.

"You were hurting yourself, Bucky. I thought you were gonna rip your hair out. I couldn't let you do that," Steve said, his voice remaining gentle and calm. Bucky tore his eyes away. "Hey," Steve said, tightening his grip on his friend's cheek. Bucky reluctantly met his gaze. "Nothing happened." They stared at one another for a moment.

"Why're you here?" Bucky whispered.

"I-I couldn't sleep. I came to check on you." Steve studied his friend. "How often do you get the nightmares?" He questioned. The hand that wasn't cupping Bucky's cheek was still holding his hand tightly.

"Not that often."

"You're lying." Steve could read it on his face.

"It doesn't matter."

"It does matter."

"It doesn't."

"Yes. It. Does." Steve enunciated. "…You shouldn't have to live like this. There must be something we…something I can do." Bucky smiled sadly.

"You can't save everyone Steve." Steve's eyes hardened.

"I know that."

"Do you?" The men stared at each other again. Steve's grip on Bucky's hand tightened. "Why are you so set on saving me Steve?" Bucky demanded, his eyes searching his friend's.

"I- I'm not." Steve said, caught off guard.

"This morning you wanted to distract me from my dream so you took me to the pool. This afternoon you didn't want me to feel left out so you trained with me. You came here to check on me. If I didn't know any better I'd say you had a crush on me Rogers." The silence was deafening. Bucky's eyes widened. His grip on Steve's fingers tightened. Steve was still leaning over him, staring down at him intently. Steve steeled himself.

This was it. This was the moment. He needed to tell Bucky how he felt.

He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. His voice felt frozen in his throat. He snapped his mouth shut. He swallowed. Well if the words weren't going to come…

He closed the gap between them slowly, so his face was hovering above Bucky's. Bucky stared at him, his lips parted. His eyes relaxed slightly and an emotion Steve wasn't familiar with flashed in them.

Desire.

Steve lowered himself fully, his lips sealing over his friend's. He savored the feeling. He had been wanting this for so long. Over 75 years.

Bucky's lips were soft and moist and exactly how Steve imagined them. He wanted to deepen the kiss but he was so nervous, his heart was beating wildly in his chest.

Then, the hand that was grasping Steve's own released and he felt it move to his chest. It flattened against his pectoral and then pushed against him. Their lips disconnected with a small pop.

"Steve," Bucky's eyes were pained. "I can't…"

Steve fell back on his heels and then onto his butt, ungracefully. His face turned beet red.

Was he crazy? He had just kissed Bucky. His best friend. Skirt chaser and ladies' man. He wiped his face roughly with his hand. What had come over him?

"I'm sorry…I don't know what I was thinking."

You knew exactly what you were thinking.

"I must've read the signals wrong," He continued. It pained him to say. He had been so sure. It had felt so right.

"I guess you did," Bucky replied, looking uncomfortable. Steve's heart felt like it was breaking. How could he have done this to himself? How could he have let himself believe Bucky could ever feel the same way? Steve had told Natasha himself that Bucky wasn't gay for Chrissakes. Steve swallowed painfully. There was a lump in his throat.

He fled.

"Steve, wait-" Steve was vaguely aware of Bucky calling after him, but he didn't care. His only concern was getting as far away as he possibly could.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you're enjoying the story so far, please consider leaving a review/comment!


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